Some divorced women are financially secure and comfortable while many others are struggling and scared. Some women have strong money management skills, and others have let their spouse handle the finances and have found themselves with no money left to manage. And emotions range from irritation to terror.
Wherever you find yourself, these 4 points can help.
1. Surround yourself with great professional help. Find a financial planner, a banker, and insurance agent, and others you may need, who you trust and are comfortable working with. And, if at any time, you feel any of these professionals in not a good fit for you, find someone else. Many of us stay in a bad relationship too long…whether it be personal or professional.
2. Start where you are. If you can only save $5 a month, that is where you start. If you want to contribute to a cause that is dear to your heart and you can only contribute $3, that is what you do. As you rebuild your life and your financial security, you will be able to do more.
3. Attitude is so important. (don’t you get tired of people saying this!) Believe you will be able to rebuild your life. Value yourself and your future. Be grateful for what you do have. And remember, it’s not “cold, hard cash”…it’s soft and warm!
4. Be willing to move forward. I went through a phase where I thought if I stay broke and miserable, then I can say, ”See what he did to me, that no good, so and so.” It took a while to realize if I continued to do that, I was allowing him to continue to control my life…geez..not a good idea! Instead, I took the advice of a friend . When I shared feeling so financially damaged, she responded, “Consider that the ransom you paid for saving your life.”
5. You, too, are saving your life. A life that is filled with possibilities, and financial growth.
Written by Barb Greenberg, Rediscovering U
As I was searching for the courage to divorce, I went to a restaurant by myself for an early dinner.
A hostess approached with menus in the crook of her arm. “Just one,” I said. “Just one,” she repeated. Just one, I thought with a sigh. As if one isn’t really enough. It doesn’t count. It is less than. Parties of two have substance. Larger parties are impressive, especially when the staff has to move tables together to accommodate all the people. But I’m just one.
It was a small restaurant about thirty minutes out of the cities and seemed safe. I couldn’t imagine bumping into anyone I knew, and it was barely 5:00pm, so there were only a few other customers.
The waitress took my order, and then I pulled a book out of my purse and held it in front of me, peeking over the top and looking around like I was on a military maneuver. The terrain seemed safe, no hostile activity, but again, it was only 5:00pm. I wasn’t very good at eating alone. I imagined people thinking., “Oh, look at the poor lady eating by herself. She must be so sad and lonely.” And I was, more than they could ever imagine.
Eating alone was going to take a lot of practice. And so was being alone if I chose to divorce, though I’d felt more alone in my marriage than I was ready to admit.
But being alone was not what took practice.
What took practice was reaching out to all the people reaching back to help me. Though some friends shifted away from me as I divorced, many more appeared bringing with them support, guidance, love, a willingness to listen, extra kleenex, and even laughter.
So many of us don’t like to ask for help and feel we have to do everything ourself. Please practice reaching out. You are not alone.
Whether you are approaching, experiencing, or moving forward from divorce, one of the most valuable things you can do is take time now and then to sit quietly and simply be. You may want to meditate quietly. You may want to have a cup of tea or a bowl of ice cream, or you may decide to pick up a journal and record your thoughts or feelings. (more…)
Some of us feel shame worrying about what others may think of our situation, and that our divorce means we are a failure in some way.
Some of us feel shame for not leaving our partner sooner, or for being blindsided when our partner left us..and that we had allowed ourselves to be treated disrespectfully for so long. (more…)
I desperately wanted help “letting go” of my tremendous emotional pain but felt many self-help books were bullying me to move forward more quickly than I was able. I didn’t want to wallow in self-pity. Like most women dealing with divorce, this was simply a process I couldn’t rush. (more…)