Written by Barb Greenberg, Rediscovering U
Sometimes you are upset, because divorce has upset your traditions and how you will celebrate the holidays! I get it!!!
May this help:
Celebrating on the exact day doesn’t matter.
This year on Thanksgiving Day, I stayed home, caught up with work in the morning, sat in the afternoon while one of my cats curled up to sleep on my lap, and for dinner I had leftover gluten-free pasta! It didn’t bother me at all, because next weekend I will be celebrating Thanksgiving with all my children, grandchildren, brother, sister-in-law, and cousins…what a gift!!!!
Celebrating with a specific menu doesn’t matter
When my older daughter was in college, she and I visited my brother who lived in a small third floor walkup apartment in Boston. She insisted on cooking Thanksgiving dinner for the three of us, and when my brother and I sat down at his card table, we were treated to a large bowl of Kraft Macaroni & Cheese, a second bowl of heated up canned green beans, and a lovely tray of canned peaches, each artistically topped with a scoop cottage cheese. It was a meal filled with love and laughter.
How you define family doesn’t matter
Family may be large or small. It may be relatives or friends. You may be in search of family. If this is the case, please know you are not alone and will find the warm, welcoming community you are searching for.
Gratitude DOES matter
During my divorce the only thing I could be grateful for was being able talk in a complete sentence when absolutely necessary and possibly not going through as many boxes of kleenex as I had the day before.
Gratitude is not simply a solitary exercise.
In a world where we are confronted by so much pain, despair, and fear, gratitude brings Light. It offers hope. It informs and changes us.
Gratitude can be a force through which we offer our humanity to others with a smile, with a gesture of compassion and understanding. It can motivate us to act, to reach out, and make a difference.
Written by Nancy Clairmont Carr, Learn more at NancyClairmontCarr.com
Choose your feelings carefully! You can choose how you feel about any situation in the moment.
It is very empowering to know we get to choose our mindset. If we don’t like what we are thinking or feeling, we can change it. In this moment. In fact, it is only in the moment that we have influence over ourselves and our future. All decisions and actions come from how we think and feel. Our decisions in the moment create our future. And all wellbeing comes from creating positive feelings and actions. The more positive our feelings and emotions are, the easier it is to attract what we desire. It is a choice.
How do we make those shifts from negative to positive emotions?
Gratitude is the most well known strategy. We know that any act of gratitude creates an immediate change in how we feel. In fact, it is nearly impossible to continue to feel negative emotions when we begin to express or feel gratitude. If the negative feeling is deep, go deeper into the specific person, thing or event for which you are grateful. Consider what contributed to it, how it came about, why you are grateful for it, how it contributes to your wellbeing. The deeper you go into gratitude, the more profoundly you change your feelings from negative to positive.
Performing an act of kindness is another powerful way to shift. By focusing on serving others in any way, we remove the negative energy we have been focusing on ourselves. And doing it not for their benefit but from the place of knowing you are giving of yourself. You can’t help but change your internal feelings, especially when you don’t expect anything in return.
Thinking about something that gives you joy and happiness is another quick way to shift inner feelings. One of the things I love to do is see my children in my minds eye, when they were babies and sleeping, playing or now at their current age living independently and successfully accomplishing their goals. What a quick turnaround that provides!
Creating internal shifts can also be accomplished by reflecting on past successes and accomplishments. We tend to focus on whatever is negative at the moment. By going to recent and other past successes, we can create the feelings we had with those successes and know it’s possible to feel that again.
We have control over ourselves and our future by choosing our attitude, feelings and actions now. Our feelings determine what we attract to us so it is important to take charge of them by any one of these or other effective strategies.
Written by Barb Greenberg, RediscoveringU Founder
After my divorce I was determined to be done with unhealthy relationships in every area of my life which, to my surprise, included my relationship with money. To me, developing healthy relationships meant following my heart, though at this time in my life I was certain considering my heart in any financial decision was a luxury and meant I was spoiled, selfish and irresponsible. But what would happen if I didn’t follow heart? Who would I become?
These steps five steps helped me blend my financial responsibilities with the longings of my heart, and I hope they can help you, too.
Create the right team. First I found a financial planner. I thought we would be a great fit. Weweren’t. I didn’t say, “Well, it’s not that bad. It’s ok. I can work with this. It’s not a big deal.” These phrases had gotten me in enough trouble during my marriage, and I wasn’t going to use them again. Instead I moved on and found someone smart and compassionate who created a plan for me while accepting my shaky financial situation with out judgement. With the addition of a trusted CPA, I found the confidence to make wise decisions that would support me in the present and support and honor my future ninety year old self, so she could age with grace and dignity….and cash!
No More Blame – darn! I went through a phase where I decided (not consciously, I hope), if I stayed miserable and broke I could point a finger at my ex and whine, “See what he did to me! Look how he treated me!” One night a strong, clear voice woke me from a deep sleep announcing, “Not acceptable, Bucko!” Where did that come from? Do angels actually use the word “Bucko”? This wakeup call made me realize continuing to blame my ex was giving him control in my life once again. When I stopped the blame, I regained my power.
Reevaluate the meaning of Power I had to resolve another issue when it came to power. I associated money with the negative connotations of power over someone else. It felt like a win – lose word. If I had power, someone else didn’t. It took time for me to understand genuine power comes from within each us. We can create win-win situations. We can lift others up. We become who were meant to be and share our gifts with others. That is the gift of genuine power.
Who are YOU? It turned out my relationship with money reflected my relationship with myself – who knew?! When I became clear about what brings me joy and what lifts my spirit, I was less vulnerable to the onslaught of commercials making me doubt my value if I didn’t purchase the newest style of anything. And when I looked to the future, I understood the accumulation of wealth of any sort, depended on my belief and confidence I was perfectly capable of achieving abundance, whether it be financial, good health, or true friendships. It is an abundance available to each one of us.
Gratitude It was my habit to worry (panic!) about my finances, believing if I wasn’t worried I was being irresponsible. I’d heard over and over what we focus on increases and what we put energy into grows and strengthens. So what was I to do? I didn’t write in a gratitude journal before bed, which is a wonderful idea. Instead I began to say thank you during the day when I had a great meeting or met someone special or found the shortest line in the grocery store. I said thank you when I paid the phone bill, grateful I had a phone. I said thank you when I paid the electric bill, grateful I could turn on my lights and my refrigerator worked. The more I said thank you, the more gifts began to appear in my life. It didn’t mean I stopped paying attention to my budget and my bills, but they no longer frightening me and slowly things began to improve.
May you listen to the wisdom of your heart, find abundance in your life, and connect to the beautiful power of who you are and who are you are becoming.
Written by Barb Greenberg, excerpt from Rediscovering the Holidays
We all show our gratitude in different ways. A dear friend was grateful she had survived her divorce and wanted to do something special for her supportive friends. Since she’d already had a bridal shower, she decided to give herself a divorce sprinkle!
If you can’t feel grateful right now, that’s just fine. It’s vital to honor all your emotions, not just the shiny pretty ones, but those that are deeper, darker shades. Acknowledging emotions is the first step to healing them, and it is a powerful and respectful gesture to yourself.
Keep things simple. Be grateful you haven’t lost your mind and can still speak in complete sentences when absolutely necessary. Be grateful you are only going through one box of kleenex a day instead of three.
Begin to notice moments of comfort: a call from a dear friend that lifts your spirits, the cat curled up on your lap, the pattern of the sunshine through the window. Begin to record these in a journal. With time your list will grow, your gratitude will deepen, and your heart will heal. Print out the Rediscover Gratitude – Questions for Reflection.
“If the only prayer you say in your whole life is “Thank you,” that would suffice.” Meister Eckhart
Gratitude is defined as a felt sense of wonder, thankfulness, and appreciation for life. It is more than simply a pleasant emotion to experience or a polite sentiment to express. (more…)