5 Steps to Improve Your Relationship with Money after Divorce

Written by Barb Greenberg, RediscoveringU Founder

After my divorce I was determined to be done with unhealthy relationships in every area of my life which, to my surprise, included my relationship with money. To me, developing healthy relationships meant following my heart, though at this time in my life I was certain considering my heart in any financial decision was a luxury and meant I was spoiled, selfish and irresponsible. But what would happen if I didn’t follow heart? Who would I become?

These steps five steps helped me blend my financial responsibilities with the longings of my heart, and I hope they can help you, too.

Create the right team. First I found a financial planner. I thought we would be a great fit. Weweren’t. I didn’t say, “Well, it’s not that bad. It’s ok. I can work with this. It’s not a big deal.” These phrases had gotten me in enough trouble during my marriage, and I wasn’t going to use them again. Instead I moved on and found someone smart and compassionate who created a plan for me while accepting my shaky financial situation with out judgement. With the addition of a trusted CPA, I found the confidence to make wise decisions that would support me in the present and support and honor my future ninety year old self, so she could age with grace and dignity….and cash!

No More Blame – darn! I went through a phase where I decided (not consciously, I hope), if I stayed miserable and broke I could point a finger at my ex and whine, “See what he did to me! Look how he treated me!” One night a strong, clear voice woke me from a deep sleep announcing, “Not acceptable, Bucko!” Where did that come from? Do angels actually use the word “Bucko”? This wakeup call made me realize continuing to blame my ex was giving him control in my life once again. When I stopped the blame, I regained my power.

Reevaluate the meaning of Power I had to resolve another issue when it came to power. I associated money with the negative connotations of power over someone else. It felt like a win – lose word. If I had power, someone else didn’t. It took time for me to understand genuine power comes from within each us. We can create win-win situations. We can lift others up. We become who were meant to be and share our gifts with others. That is the gift of genuine power.

Who are YOU? It turned out my relationship with money reflected my relationship with myself – who knew?! When I became clear about what brings me joy and what lifts my spirit, I was less vulnerable to the onslaught of commercials making me doubt my value if I didn’t purchase the newest style of anything. And when I looked to the future, I understood the accumulation of wealth of any sort, depended on my belief and confidence I was perfectly capable of achieving abundance, whether it be financial, good health, or true friendships. It is an abundance available to each one of us.

Gratitude It was my habit to worry (panic!) about my finances, believing if I wasn’t worried I was being irresponsible. I’d heard over and over what we focus on increases and what we put energy into grows and strengthens. So what was I to do? I didn’t write in a gratitude journal before bed, which is a wonderful idea. Instead I began to say thank you during the day when I had a great meeting or met someone special or found the shortest line in the grocery store. I said thank you when I paid the phone bill, grateful I had a phone. I said thank you when I paid the electric bill, grateful I could turn on my lights and my refrigerator worked. The more I said thank you, the more gifts began to appear in my life. It didn’t mean I stopped paying attention to my budget and my bills, but they no longer frightening me and slowly things began to improve.

May you listen to the wisdom of your heart, find abundance in your life, and connect to the beautiful power of who you are and who are you are becoming.

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