Do We Have Self-Esteem Backwards?!

I believed I had good self-esteem.  If not good, it was adequate…it got me by. And I believed making it through my divorce proved I could handle anything.

But, it turns out that when there is a new challenge, and life expects me to be something more than who I think I am, I freeze.  Maybe if I ignore this situation, it will go away. I remind myself of my cats, who think if they don’t look at something, it’s not there.

When I finally look at this new “challenge” (sometimes I really don’t like this word!), I begin to rationalize, “I don’t have enough self-esteem to handle this, so I have to stay right where I  am.  I’ll just sit with a cup of tea, get stressed, get acid reflux and watch Judge Judy so I can feel superior to a few random people.”

Eventually I get angry, thank goodness!

I realize when I rode horses I didn’t have the self-esteem to compete, but I did have the love of riding and the passion and drive to do it.  So I did. At first I did it embarrassingly badly.  But there were people who picked me up and dusted me off, often literally. My self-confidence grew as I became a better rider. And more importantly,  my self esteem grew. I learned I would survive mistakes and embarrassment. I learned that those things don’t define me, and neither does winning the blue ribbon.

I believe self-esteem doesn’t come from reading self-help books, though they help.

I believe self-esteem doesn’t  come from meditating, though it helps.

I believe self-esteem comes from walking out your door and living your life.


Each step and each misstep will feed your self-esteem, and it will grow.

You will lean more about who you are and be amazed.

Your life will be filled with confusion and joy, messes and celebrations, mistakes and miracles.




Barb Greenberg – Founder, Speaker and an award winning author.  Rediscovering U was founded by Barb, a divorce transition expert who excels in educating, empowering and inspiring women to move through divorce and into a new life.

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