Valentine’s Day is approaching and feeling like an unwelcome neighbor whose arms are filled with greeting cards covered in red hearts and sugary sentiments professing love.
We cringe, because for those of us divorced, divorcing or at the end of a long term relationship or who find ourselves alone for whatever reason, Valentine’s Day seems dedicated to celebrating everything we have lost or never had.
We may imagine a new Valentine will come along with reservations for an intimate candlelight dinner, bringing us red roses and chocolates.
We may be thrilled if someone simply appears at our door with a pint of hot fudge ripple ice cream and a soup spoon and entertains us by cleaning the house and doing all the laundry.
Sadly, for those of us who have felt so terribly alone during our past relationships, expecting anything from a partner seems a wasted effort. The price we paid to be in this relationship was too dear. Like the lyrics of a romantic song, we had lost our hearts, but not in a good way.
I had no idea that the guidance I needed to find my heart would come from, of all things, the message BE MINE stamped on a Valentine’s Day sweet candy heart.
I used to think this meant that someone else wanted me to be theirs, but I was wrong. It meant that I can be ME!
How exciting! Not being ME had been so much lonelier than not having a Valentine.
How overwhelming.” Who am I?” I had no idea. I sensed that asking this question would change everything, and learned that discovering who you are is the thrilling adventure of a lifetime.
Adventure requires patience to deal with detours and roadblocks, courage and compassion when you feel lost and trust that you are being guided.
One of the many things you’ll discover is that your self-esteem no longer depends on a relationship with another. When you meet potential new Valentines, you will not worry, “Will they like me? I hope they like me! What if they don’t like me?”
Instead you will pause and ask yourself, “Humm, I wonder if I like this new person?”
Now that is sweet!