Written by Barb Greenberg, founder – Rediscovering U

For those of us divorcing, divorced, at the end of a longterm relationship, or who find ourselves alone for whatever reason, Valentine’s Day seems dedicated to celebrating everything we have lost.

To participate in this holiday, we need a partner, preferably one who is loving and generous, and that is exactly what we are grieving. A hand to hold. A shoulder to cry on.

Someone who loves us when we haven’t showered and our hair is sticking straight up, when our breath is bad and we have spinach in our teeth, when we make a wrong decision, or can’t make a decision, when we lose our job, lose the race, lose our car keys, or lose our mind.…and sometimes lose it all in one day.

14970980_sWe may ache for another partner to come along with reservations for an intimate candlelight dinner, bringing red roses, chocolate, and sparkling jewelry.

Or we may be thrilled if someone simply appears at our door with a pint of hot fudge ripple ice cream and a soup spoon and entertains us by cleaning the house and doing all the laundry.

And for those of us who have felt painfully alone during their past relationship, expecting anything from a partner seems a wasted effort.

Although we never expected to be alone, it doesn’t mean we can’t buy ourselves flowers and chocolate, go out to dinner with a good friend, and forget about the clean house and the dirty laundry, and make our own hot fudge sundae.

Admittedly, roses, chocolate, ice cream, and jewelry are great fun to receive, but we can’t let them fool us.

The true gifts of a Valentine are Love, Respect, Kindness, Compassion, Joy, shared daily in the small details of our lives.

These gifts are not just for others to offer us. We must provide them for ourselves, and our Inner Valentine is waiting to help us do just that.

Connecting with our Inner Valentine is easy.  All we have to do is read the words stamped on each pink heart-shaped Valentine candy! And if the sentiments on these candies are too far removed from our current reality, let them be a sweet reminder of what our future holds.


  • When we say “Be Mine!” we are usually looking to someone else, but have we ever looked in the mirror and spoken those words to ourselves? How would that feel? What would that mean?
  • It means we would not desert ourselves or give ourselves away in order to “keep the peace” or be loved.
  • Be Mine! When we reclaim our Self, we can be all we are meant to be.


  • Embrace ourselves with compassion and kindness, with good friends and gratitude.
  • Embrace ourselves with faith and trust.
  • Embrace ourselves with gifs of comfort; soak in a bubble bath, listen to lovely music.
  • Being hard on ourself does not make us strong. It is being gentle with ourself that builds a deep, sustaining strength.


  • If no one is telling us how fabulous we are, it’s time to tell ourself!
  • Write an affirmation and put it on the bathroom mirror, sing in the shower, connect with people who believe in us and respect us.
  • We have more power that we know including the power to speak our truth and recreate our life.
  • These and other heart shaped messages we discover are reminders from our Inner Valentine.
  • She will help us be discerning, so when a new potential partner appears, we will know if that person is a true Valentine or if it’s only flowers & chocolate they can offer.
  • She will help us deepen our understanding of our true Self.
  • She will remind us to let our own sweet heart be our guide.