The following is an excerpt from “Date Yourself Well: 12 Engagements of Becoming The Great Lover of Your Life” by Dr. Shannon Gulbranson.
For me it was the paralyzing effect of divorce that seemed to be the problem in my life and the pain that kept me from moving forward in my life. The more I attempted to “undo” my divorce, the more it led me to repeating the decisions and patterns of behavior that led to more broken relationships. This is what happens when we focus on the past; it repeats itself in the future.
It wasn’t until I came to the humbling truth that although I had broken relationships in my past and felt brokenhearted, I didn’t need fixing. It was then that I truly began to heal. I also discovered that although I felt broken, I didn’t need to live my life that way. Although I was single, it didn’t require a solution.
Truth #1: You don’t need fixing (and neither does your relationship status).
In the process of openly and honestly embracing my intense emotions, I was able to discover that divorce was merely the effect of a deeper disconnection between my head and heart.
This solution wasn’t going to be found in a new relationship with another man (the “right” man). If I continued to allow myself to blame my present relationship status on anyone (including me), it would only perpetuate the lie that I needed someone else to complete me. This is definitely the myth that so many single/divorced women (humans) buy into. We believe that it’s in another person that we will find happiness, or that we need someone else to take care of us to be happy.
I’ve got news for you. If you’re not willing to take care of you, no one else will be either—at least not at the level that your heart deeply desires. Worse yet, you will continue to attract people into, and create circumstances in, your life that will keep you very busy tending to others’ needs because you are desperately looking for someone to take care of yours.