Last week I made a big mistake and felt bad because for some reason I didn’t feel as bad as I thought I should feel!
Lucky for me, the next morning I woke up and felt really terrible. Well, that’s more like it, I thought! What can I say? It’s taken me years to develop some extremely effective self-talk.
This voice has been a constant companion for most of my life and has convinced me it has my best interest at heart. It insists that I need it to help me know if I wore the wrong outfit or said the wrong thing, if I should be embarrassed or insulted, and especially to point out when I’ve really messed up.
I do realize that this is not the kind of help I could use, since it keeps me in a state of self doubt and sometimes even shame. I’ve just never known an effective way to let it go…to turn it off.
There have been times I’ve gotten upset with my self-talk and yelled at it to be quiet, but that doesn’t work.
There have been times I’ve gotten frustrated with my self-talk and ignored it, but that doesn’t work either.
I was recently taught three simple steps to use when I hear this voice. I was told that the more I’m able to follow these steps, the less I will hear it, and I’m so ready!
Step1-Notice the voice. “I hear you.”
Step 2-Name the voice. “Oh, you’re self-talk.”
Step 3-Shift the focus. “I’m shifting my focus.” I decided I could notice how blue the sky is or imagine a great new pair of shoes, but I think what will work best for me is to focus on something I’m grateful for.
As wonderful as this sounded, I hesitated. Who will talk with me if that voice is gone? Will I be all alone? Without that voice, how will I know how to feel about my actions or the actions of others?
I believe I will not be alone and that another voice has always been talking to me. I just haven’t been able to, or allowed myself to, hear it. It is the voice of Compassion? Compassion for myself. Compassion for others. Compassion for our life journeys….and that’s the voice I want to hear.