Divorce &Your Home: Stay or Sell & Move | RU010

Great information about the basics of decision-making when it comes to selling your house and how to decide whether the time is right to purchase a new one. It also includes an important reminder about the ability to let go of the space that had been your home. 

Questions for Reflection:

*What does “home” mean to me?

*What are the key questions to ask myself, and the professionals I work with, that can help me make the best decision about whether to sell and move to something new or to stay?

*Whether I stay in the house or move, what can I do to create a space filled with love and peace and comfort?

About the Guest:

Rachel Loeslie is a licensed Realtor in Minnesota and serves the Twin Cities Metro areas of Minneapolis and St. Paul. She understands buying or selling a home is more than a transaction: it’s a transition from one part of life to the next chapter. She acts as the bridge to help her clients each step of the journey while keeping their goals top of mind. Rachel strives to make the real estate process as fun and smooth as possible by providing personalized service, interpreting accurate market data, and negotiating for the best interests of her buyers, sellers and investment clients.

https://RachelLoeslie.com

www.yourvibrantspace.com

https://www.facebook.com/RachelLoeslieRealty/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/rachelloeslie/

https://www.instagram.com/rloletsgo/

Access your Treasure Chest Gift at: https://rediscoveringu.com/access-treasure-chest/

About the Host:

Divorced after many years of marriage, Barb Greenberg founded Rediscovering U, a company that provides education, support, and resources for women transitioning through a divorce and into a new life. She and her company have been recognized for “…creating equality, justice, and self-determination for women…” She is an award-winning author of 3 books, Hope Grew Round Me, After the Ball: A Woman’s Tale of Happily Ever After, and The Seasons of Divorce: Insights for Women in Transition. Her books are available at a special price for you at https://rediscoveringu.com/divorce-sponsors/books/

Visit https://rediscoveringu.com to learn more!

You can also find Barb at:

https://www.facebook.com/rediscoveringu

https://www.linkedin.com/in/barbgreenberg/

https://twitter.com/rediscovering_u 

https://www.instagram.com/rediscoveringu/

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Transcript
Barb Greenberg:

Hello, and welcome to rediscovering you where you will find valuable insights, support and education to help you move through the difficult and often painful process of divorce with grace and courage and hope and find the ultimate gift of rediscovering yourself. I'm your host, Mark Greenberg, award winning author and founder of rediscovering you. If I'd had access to a resource like this during my divorce, I would have not felt so isolated, I would have made much better decisions, I still would have breathed for that for so hard for so long. And I wouldn't have eaten so many boxes of macaroni and cheese. When women heal. Families heal when families heal communities heal. When communities heal, the possibilities are endless. Let's get started.

Barb Greenberg:e. She's been a realtor since:Rachel Loeslie:

that's okay, I have my first name is Rachel. And my last name is Loeslie. So people call me my last name sometimes.

Barb Greenberg:

And I've known you for so long. And I do that all the time. So it's Rachel, you guys. So welcome. Um, share a little bit about yourself, why you started to real estate, what you love the most about it?

Unknown:

Well, thank you for the wonderful intro Barb, it's so great to be here with you. And being your energy as always, you're just a bright light in the world. And I love how you get people together to help the collective good. So I feel like that's what we're all here to do. In this group. You know, I had started in real estate, I was actually doing professional organizing, and I have a background in sales and marketing. And, you know, I was doing retail working in retail corporate America for a long time. So after being laid off a few different times, then I started my own business, like I said, doing the organizing, but I was in people's homes so much. And I thought gosh, I could probably help people on a whole nother level, which getting organized is very deep. And you know, magical work, because it's a spiritual journey just to get yourself organized or set your home up the way you want it. But then also adding real estate onto that it's like, you know, you're, you're gonna help people through a lot of transition. And that's probably one of my favorite parts. And one of the things I'm here to do is to help people through transitions in life. And that's what moving is whether you're moving forward for some really positive reason, or you're moving on for something that might not have gone the way you wanted it to. It's just part of life, right? Life doesn't always go how we think it is. And when life changes or gives us curves, curveballs and we get to choose how we want to respond to that. So it's wonderful to help people through move, just move right movement. That's, that's really what Fung Shui is about to it's about movement, but buying your home or selling your home. It's about movement. So how can we help people move forward and move to the life they want? That's really why I like to help people in real estate. That's the picture.

Barb Greenberg:

That's a fabulous answer. I love that. I love that. And you're right. Life is about movement, isn't it? Sometimes we need to sit still for a minute. But that's just so that everything that's moving can kind of not line up, but we can figure it out a little bit. Yeah,

Unknown:

yeah. Lovely. Yeah, have to let the things things fall into place a little bit. And sometimes you have to pause. Yes. isn't always easy to do. But the pause is where like, the clarity can come right of what you're going to do next.

Barb Greenberg:

That's true. And I was brought up to go really fast all the time. So for me to stop is a little tricky, but it makes a huge difference. It makes a huge difference. Yeah. Speaking of pausing, and start Eat and movement, can you give us like a few tips about we'll do a little bit about if you choose to sell and a little bit about, if you when you choose to buy, if you choose to buy, so can you like you said some people with the movement, some people choose to stay in the house, one one person wants to stay and one person wants to leave, or both want to stay. And that's an issue, or both want to just sell the house and start fresh? So just give us maybe start with the selling piece? And some good tips or suggestions or?

Unknown:

Yeah, well, I mean, obviously, you got to figure out what you're doing. Right? Are you the person that you know, can you afford, if you want to stay in the houses, you're jointly owning this property most most of the time with the other spouse. Or unless you've already if it's a non marital property, that's a whole nother story. But you've got to decide if you can afford to keep the house right yourself. So that would look like having conversations, you know, with, you know, getting your house appraised or, you know, talking with your financial advisor, right, and then how, how else you might be dividing up other assets, all those things can be negotiable, right. But if one person wants to stay, and the other wants to leave, you essentially might have to buy that personnel, right. But what if you want to stay if you want to stay all day, but if you really the numbers aren't there financially, then then you both may agree to sell, which is kind of makes it easy, because then you just divide up the the asset or the profit that you would make on the property. And then you get to start new, doing something else. And then if you are the one that wants to leave, and the other one wants to stay, well, there's a potential for that person to buy you out. So those are probably the most common scenarios I find for wanting to sell. So it's really important to know what you owe on the house, and then what the house is worth, because then that will tell you, if you've got equity, and how much equity that would be. And that might help you make the decision easier. You know, we don't all have equity in our home. But you know, we all that's really the goal, right? We want to have equity, but it's not always

Barb Greenberg:

there. That makes a lot of sense. And I think attorneys too, as well as financial planners can help you figure out what's legally in your best interest. Between the two of them, the financial planner, and the attorney, they're usually able to say, you know, this looks good on paper, but wait a minute, let's take it a step further and see, but so when you're getting ready to sell, if the house is going to be sold, do you have any, like, you know, top three tips or something for people, for women, especially?

Unknown:

Um, well, you know, after they've made the decision of what, what they can do if they are selling, is that what you're? Yeah, yeah, um, well, I mean, really, I would say, sometimes, you know, you can have the house already, you can have it look like Pottery Barn magazine in there. And I think the biggest thing I feel for some people is, not everybody is really attached to their home, like, emotionally or mentally. But I find that really coping with some of those feelings and having the not not being attached to your home, in those ways are some of the biggest things that you can do. So it's sort of like internal, I call it internal function way, right? Because we're just rewiring like, how we're thinking about this. And you might feel really sad about leaving it behind, or you might feel really glad and be really ready. But if a house, you know, isn't really selling, or you're not getting showings, sometimes I find that it might be just a little conversation about letting go. But I usually handle those conversations in the beginning. You know, just to see well, where people are at. And some people will tell you right away, like, I can't wait to move on. I'm so excited. And you don't really have to ask, but, um, that might be just something that handle or, you know, when I find, you know, in your house, your story like, and this is probably more of a staging tip, but it's also everything's energy, right? So, in the house, we tend to a lot of put a lot of our past in the basement, right? So it's like, oh, you might have accumulated your things from your parents or your children, you have things or just your own things from your past. And we always you know, we put them in the basement of your room down there if you have a basement. So I like to call it lifting anchor. So if you are just trying to even wrap your head around leaving and like oh my gosh, I have a lot of things like how am I going to do this, like, you know, just starting to like letting go of some of those things in the basement. or maybe holding you to the house, that's always a good way to start moving the energy. And then it helps you also kind of get a new perspective on things. So those are some of the things that I tend to suggest people work on.

Barb Greenberg:

That is so good. And it's very interesting because I recently moved, and I sold a lot of things that I thought would have sentimental value. But when they left, and they did, and what happened was each piece that I thought was going to be hard to get to let go of went to somebody who would, it was supposed to go to write a little table, that was my mother's and a little teeny rocking chair. That was my grandfather's that I thought, How can I let go of those? Oh, my gosh, friend's father bought them. He refinished them. They're absolutely beautiful. He said, when they take me away to the home, these are the only two pieces I want to come with me. It was very sweet. And the other thing that I noticed was I started to feel a lot lighter. Yeah, and things when I started releasing, yeah, just the emotional stuff, but the physical pieces that left my home as the energy got a lot lighter, right.

Unknown:

Yep. And you know, on another note, like in this is more of a tangible note, but, you know, you just want to look at like, Are there any repairs that really need to be done in order for this home to sell or for me, you know, to get top dollar, anything that might, you know, kind of come up on an inspection if the buyer is looking at it. So you want to, I call it peach, but you want to be mindful of peach stands for plumbing, electrical, appliances, heating, and cooling. So are those things really nice and buttoned up? Otherwise, you just want to take that into consideration when you're pricing the home, then you will want to look at other things like, you know, windows, roofing the yard, all the things that you know, the whole package of your home. So not just what's in it, but the condition, right, when you go to sell your house, it's gonna be there's three main things, buyers will get to value it and it's going to be price, location and condition. So if you, you know, neglected one of those or one needs some attention, you know, that might be part of the process, too, is just, I call it buttoning up those things, right? Or pricing accordingly, for like, I just don't have the money to deal with this or the time, I'm going to price this accordingly. If I have old appliances, or if I have a roof that's, you know, going to need replacement soon, something like that. Those are just a few examples to think about. And, and that's where it helps to check to professional because you don't always have to do all that stuff. But it's going every scenario is different. Right? My job is never, a lot of things are similar, but it's never, too. It's never ever, it's never two things are always the exact same. You know what I mean?

Barb Greenberg:

That's what I like about what you do, you are very personal, you personalize everything, and you're very conscious of making sure that this is somebody unique with their own set of concerns or conditions or history. And, for me, I know, I was ready to leave, I wanted to get out of the home. But some people it's really hard because I raised my family here. And you know, all these memories are here. So you have a really good sense of how to deal with both of those scenarios. I think that's wonderful. What about now the house is sold, maybe hopefully quickly. And it's you're now you're looking to buy? What kinds of things should you be aware of? And look for?

Unknown:

Things like that? Yeah. I mean, you know, money is part of what makes right money. helps things move. Right? So we always talk about money, right? We have to know like, do you you know, are you going to need to talk to a lender to see if you would, if you need to finance the home, do you qualify for financing first right before we go around, shopping away? Like what if you can't even you know what if you're in between jobs or you've been working, you're not working for a while and you need to reestablish some finances, then you know, you might have to wait a while to buy. So sometimes there's a lot of conversation around that. So talking to a lender is very important or if you are somebody that wants to purchase with cash, well then that's probably the easiest way to go do anything right cash is always slows things quickly. But you don't need a lender and you just wouldn't need proof of funds if you are buying with cash. And, you know, you might not even need to wait until you sell your house, right? Some people are in the position of well, my home is in the process of being sold, and I'm out shopping for a new one, because I'm buying it in my name, and I have the cash to go do that. So, if you're working with the lender, oftentimes they might want a copy of a divorce decree. And those are conversations that you would have with the lender to find out, well, what do I really need here? So that's something that, you know, I've, I've worked with people in the past that were really eager to go out and shop. But once they talked to their lady, I just say, Well, it's time to talk to your lender, because they said I would need a loan. And then they find out that, oh, I need to wait until I've actually got a divorce decree, and then I can go shopping. So those are some of the things that I would definitely have people be thinking about.

Barb Greenberg:

That's really great. And that made me think of someone that that I know, that had come to one of our classes, she was wonderful. And she needed to be in an apartment for a while before she could buy a home again. Yeah, she was really, really sad about that. She has aged daughters, and I'm going to, we're going to be in an apartment for a while and I just Oh my gosh, I'm just going to miss my home. And it ended up she loved it. She just loved it. And there was no pressure, she could just, you know, settle for a while, catch your breath. And when she was ready, she could make much better decisions. Right? At that for her, it was easier to make better decisions. Because she had a pause.

Unknown:

Yes, yeah, the pause is important. Here, it comes up again, right? Like, it doesn't, you know, just because you're selling your home doesn't mean you have to rush in to buy another one. But some people, you know, everyone's gonna be in a different place with what they need and what they're ready to go do. You know, and renting is not a horrible thing. But it can be just a bridge get you from one place to the next. So that's the beautiful part. But, you know, that's, I mean, I have conversations with people, and that's my job is to help educate them, but you know, let them know their options, and then providing resources because, you know, I'm, I'm the person that can help you, you know, sell the house or buy the house, but I'm not alone. Right. Like, you know, that's why we have lender partners and lawyers and, you know, financial planners, those people that can help you with all those conversations. You know, we also have stagers in the world and junk command and the people that haul our stuff, or move pack our bet pack or boxes and move us so, you know, sometimes I'm, you know, I can't help anybody buy or sell right now, but I'm definitely not, you know, I'm definitely going to be honest with people and say, you know, maybe this is, you know, I'll ask, maybe this isn't the right time, maybe this doesn't make most sense, but, but they're always the ones that get to decide. And that's my job is just to provide information so people can make those best choices for them.

Barb Greenberg:

And it's wonderful. Do people do are there common mistakes that you see people make, or, or assumptions, false assumptions that people make when they're going through divorce and buying and selling and all those transitional pieces? Or not so much, people pretty

Unknown:

um, I think I might have touched on some of them just like, you know, you know, there's been people that like I said, were really eager to go out and buy something, and they weren't divorced yet. And they needed a divorce decree. So they didn't know that and then they were like, oh, man, like, I gotta, okay, this just changes my plan. So I don't, you know, not I guess I'm not ready to go buy something yet. And, and sometimes they're like, you know, what, I decided not to get divorced. So, they just wanted to know, you know, what else is out there? And what does it cost? And then, you know, just having that conversation of like, I might leave well, there's some people that have like, figured out, you know, I don't actually mean to leave the marriage, but I need something else. Right. So there's those those conversations happen, too. So yeah. So yeah, I mean, I think if you don't know the answers to things, it's just like, Get get your resources, ask your friends who they know, you know, I mean, before I was a realtor, I had at least seven people in my life that were realtors and so I mean, I'm not saying that everybody knows that many but you might you probably gonna know somebody that knows. somebody you can talk to and, and, you know, I guess That's my, my biggest thing is I offer people this conversation and I can help you on the path you're supposed to be on. And that's, that's great. And if we're matched to work together, well, then we'll figure that out in that process, you know.

Barb Greenberg:

That's great. And then I have a fun question for you. Oh, I love the fun question. Are there any simple function weight tips that you could share? That would be easy for somebody to use in their home to shift the energy? Or make it more open? Or make it lighter? Or make it mean? Is there something simple because I know you really know your stuff. And it's very, there's a lot of information. And

Unknown:

if you say, honestly, the main room to probably focus on is your bedroom. You know, if you it's your bedroom set for rest, relaxation and rejuvenation. Well, you can do romance, too. So maybe this the three R's are, or can be any of those things, right, whatever you want them to be. So even things that are simple, like getting new bedding, you know, if you're staying in the home that you regardless if you're uncoupling, like, get some new bedding, the energy of that, and the old energy is just like, well, there's plenty of people that need sheets, you know, Rich is a great place to donate your home goods, but focus on just what feels good to you what surrounds you that feels good. You know, I like to say do an audit of not just your bedroom, but anything in the house that might just have like some sort of negative adjective attached to it, maybe it's time to store it away, give it away, donate, recycle whatever the thing may be. Just say, you know, having things around you that support what you're up to now and are feel good. So that's probably the best easy snippet I could give you. That's good.

Barb Greenberg:

That's a very good, easy snippet. I like it. I like snippets. And believe it or not, our time is almost up. Is there any one last thing you want to share? Or did we covered at all you did really good job? So Oh, wow. Well,

Unknown:

you make it easy. I mean, if somebody wants to reach out to me, is that okay to just share like, Well, absolutely website. And that would probably be the best way to find me or on your Facebook, Instagram, if you're into those things, but I do have a cell phone to answer. The web, you know, so I just want to point that out, right? I'm a real person.

Barb Greenberg:

She, I kind of just she is her own person. We will put your website and contact information in our class notes, but you want to share them right now? Like your email, maybe your website and your email right now. And then we'll put it also in the class notes.

Unknown:

Yeah, yeah, I'm just gonna share my website, I have two websites. One is Rachel Leslie calm. My first and last name. And as the website will be in the notes, and that can be hard to spell my last name ello, E, S, li e, and then your vibrant space.com. So that one might be easier to remember, but you're going to find my phone number there, my email my website, or you know, more info about me. So, your vibrant space are Rachel leslie.com.

Barb Greenberg:

And I love I get so excited. I keep interrupting you. I'm done. Yeah. I, I highly recommend, I encourage you to connect with her. She's less, Rachel is absolutely spectacular. And she will give you a lot of time. And you can tell by how she presents things that it's a lot from the heart. So she's got that balance of she really the knowledge and the heart, both of those pieces working together. And that's I think what we all want for any transition for

Unknown:

your very heart centered to so thanks for, you know, putting this group together that you've created a long time ago and how it's expanded and how you've helped numerous women transitioning through divorce and a graceful way and sharing your own experience to help others. Oh, thank

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