It was a gray day in November when my husband of almost 10 years moved out leaving me with our children who were 2, 4, 6, and 7.
During a conversation with him it was clear that this wasn’t something temporary, and he didn’t really want to work on, or invest in, our relationship. I remember how angry I grew as he talked. I don’t think I threw anything, but I felt like it. I went to bed that night filled with frustration, anger, and sadness. My mind kept going over what had happened, blaming myself for not recognizing that there was a problem, believing I was responsible for the failure of my marriage and feeling more and more hopeless.
Though we had just celebrated Thanksgiving I didn’t feel grateful for anything. I was about as down on myself as I could be. I lay there, chewing out that child part of me who didn’t know how to do things any better. A pretty sad way to treat her, since the adult me didn’t know how to do things differently either!
Slowly I began to appreciate the young girl that I was, struggling to deal with hurt the best she could, and I began to be the best parent to her I could.
I let her know with my words that I appreciated her, “Good job!” I let her know with my actions that I heard her needs and would act to meet them. I’m grateful that she has hung in there with me for so many years, even when I ignored her, spoke harshly to her, refused her needs and heart’s desires. I’m thankful I get a new chance each day to be a better parent to her, and she’s smiling a lot more and sharing her energy with me.
May you and your inner child celebrate being connected, and may your joy grow through this holiday season and always.