What’s the Deal with Dependence?

We associate the word independence with freedom, liberty, self-determination, and human rights….all powerful concepts that we value and hold dear.

What about the word dependence? Dependence has gotten a bad reputation, because we have associated this word with being helpless, clingy, incapable, insecure, and weak.

The truth is we are all dependent on each other and dealing with divorce makes that quite clear.

We are dependent on each other for friendship and hugs, for IT support, for weekly garbage pickups and financial advice, for help moving heavy furniture and opening peanut butter jars, for putting together IKEA furniture and following our dreams.

Science has now shown that we are all energetically connected. Studies have shown that healthy dependency makes us more resilient and less susceptible to anxiety and depression.

For a while during and after my divorce I was determined to be totally independent as if I was living in an isolated cabin deep in the woods, but emotionally and practically that does not work!

I was afraid to be dependent because I was afraid to trust anyone. I was afraid to trust anyone, because I had lost trust in myself and did not know how to find it. Surprisingly, my divorce journey would be the path to rediscovering this essential part of myself.

At the most basic level I had to trust I would survive this difficult and painful experience. On a practical level I had to trust that I would make the best decisions possible.

And I trusted that there might not be such clear line between being dependent and independent and that they are not opposites but instead complement each other.

Being dependent reminds us that we are all connected, allowing us to create communities of respect and kindness that provide freedom, liberty, self-determination, human rights, and a safe space for our unique independent natures to shine.

How do we create these communities? One brave step at a time.





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