How to Deal with Fear During Divorce

Written by Barb Greenberg, founder Rediscovering U

What women fear during divorce can change moment to moment.

I was afraid of being alone, of not having the ability to support myself, of the pain I was causing my children. I was afraid I was not eating enough or was eating too much. I was afraid my jeans made me look fat. I was afraid that my mother would come over, and I had’t cleaned the bathroom.

I was even more afraid I would never stop crying or be able to move forward with my life.

Affirmations didn’t help, and I couldn’t find a positive attitude no matter how hard I looked, though I was good at faking one.

After tossing and turning one sleepless night, I turned on the light, picked up a fresh legal pad and a pen and began to scribble. “I’m scared, I’m scared, I’m so *&@! scared.” I pressed so hard with my pen I sometimes ripped though the the paper. I used up the entire legal pad. Then I turned off the light, crawled back into bed, and slept like a baby.

What a relief to stopped trying to hold it all together, and how refreshing to be totally honest with myself. I moved from feeling betrayed and discarded to acknowledging I would survive and had more power than I realized.

Suggestions to ease your fears:

• Write out your feelings in journal or on a legal pad and embrace them without judgment.
• Breathe. It helps you stay in the Present. Fear is caused by too much “future” and not enough present, just as Guilt is caused by too much “past.”
• Remember fear is normal. There is nothing wrong with you! Of course you will be afraid whenever there is stress, uncertainty, and change. It is not a rogue emotion out to get you. It’s a natural reaction to your situation, putting you on alert and making sure you pay attention.
• Trust in your abilities. Trust in your Higher Power.
• Ask for help so you are not navigating this time alone.
• Do the best you can one step at a time. The step may be to call your attorney or take nap, to start a budget or to have a chocolate chip cookie.