Women, Divorce, and the Importance of Being Your Own Valentine

Written by Barb Greenberg, Rediscovering U

My first Valentine’s crush was in seventh grade. I was at the dance in the gym with my girlfriends, Paul Anka’s hit record, Put Your Head on My Shoulder, was playing, and the cute blond boy asked me to dance. I was in heaven, but haven’t remembered his name in thirty years.

My first first intensely passionate love was in college. It lasted about a year, was not meant-to-be, and ended badly.

My thirty-three year marriage to the man I was certain was my true love came apart and almost destroyed me.

At the end of these relationships (and a few others), I was the one who remained, the one who stayed by my side. Even when it seemed I had disappeared, miraculously I was waiting patiently to be rediscovered, reclaimed.

The same is true for each of you. As lost as you may feel at times, YOU will never leave yourself and have earned the right to “Be Your Own Valentine.”

5 Powerful Gifts of Being Your Own Valentine

1. Desperation Disappears
   Not having a Self is much lonelier than not having a Valentine, or being with a Valentine who treats you poorly. When you are connected to yourself, you may sometimes be alone, but that does not mean you will feel lonely. If loneliness does appear now and then, it no longer defines you, and you will not feel desperate to find someone to fill the place in your heart that only you can fill.
2. You Can be Discerning
   When you respect and love yourself, a potential new Valentine will not fool you with flowers, will not deceive you with chocolate, and you will not make the mistake of finding a Valentine who has a different haircut but is basically the same person as the one you left. You are less likely to be swayed by others or get into unhealthy situations or relationships. And you will not give away your power in order to be loved.
3. Honoring Yourself
   You teach people how to treat you by the way you treat yourself, though some of us may need to relearn this skill. I certainly did. As you become more loving, respectful, and compassionate with yourself, the people in your life who do not, or cannot do this, will gently fade from your life and be replaced by those who honor you as you honor yourself.
4. Change of Focus
   When you meet someone new you will no longer worry, “Will this person like me? I hope they like me. What if they don’t like me?” Instead you will ask yourself, “Do I like this person?!” You will not expect this potential new Valentine to rescue you like a prince in a fairy tale, for you have already rescued yourself. Rescuing is too much pressure for any Valentine, and they cannot do this job anyway. It is our work to do.
5. Hearing Voices
   You will once again hear your intuition and act on what you hear. You will know if your boundaries are healthy and will feel when they are being violated. You will be better able to advocate for yourself. You will be able to speak from your heart, because you can hear your heart speaking.