Parenting After Divorce

Written by Heather Debreceni

Parenting is no joke! I think one of the hardest parts of parenting is the lack of control you have as your child grows older.

After they enter school, your control slips further away. They make friends, some good and some not so good. They do their classwork… or not. They eat their lunch…or not. As a parent, your job is to guide and support them as they learn to make those choices for themselves.

Enter Divorce.

Now, you not only have to give up control over what happens at school but also what happens when they are with their other parent.

They may be exposed to new men/women who you don’t know or have a different bedtime. In addition, they may even have friends you have never meet.

You won’t have control over these situations.

You may be reading this, thinking that these observations are crazy talk! As a parent, it’s your job to protect your children, to ensure that they do their homework and get good grades. To approve the people in their lives, to know every friend and to ensure that they aren’t exposed to anyone who might be a bad influence.

While these are great aspirations, they also support the notion that you actually have the ability to control all these things. Unfortunately, that just isn’t the case… especially in divorce.

So what should you do?

You love your child and you give them the tools they need to be successful in THIER life.

The problem isn’t usually in the love department. The problem comes when you have to limit that “love barrier” so it doesn’t interfere with your child’s ability to learn their own life lessons.

Have you noticed that up until this point, I have talked very little about what parenting is like as a single parent, or after divorce? The reason is because your love for your child and your role as a parent doesn’t change because you are a single parent or co-parenting.

Your love for your child should never be dependent on your former spouse, how they parent, or who they introduce to your child or whether they allow your child to watch “too much” tv.

Once you make a choice to support your child and selflessly love them, it won’t stop the issues from arising but unless there is true abuse occurring, it won’t matter what your former spouse does or doesn’t do while they enjoy their time with your child because you will know that you have done everything you can do to prepare your child to be a healthy, happy and successful adult.

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Heather Debreceni

About the author, Heather Debreceni:

In 2004, after getting a job in Law Enforcement, Heather left her husband and started the divorce process.

Like many mothers in her situation, she thought that by getting divorced she would be ending the trauma that her marriage had on her and her children’s lives.

However, over 10 years later and thousands of dollars in legal fees, she has used her experience to develop a strategic divorce coaching program to help mothers take control of their future.