One Woman’s Journey to Rediscovery

The phone call came at 3:00am.

There had been a car accident. Our younger college-age daughter who was exploring the world with three friends and a backpack, now lay in coma on life support. My husband and I needed to get to the hospital immediately. We called the airlines and packed our bags. The phone call came from the Royal Brisbane Hospital in Australia.

The endless flight took us from Minneapolis to Los Angeles, where we waited to take another flight from Los Angeles to Sydney, where we waited to take yet another flight from Sydney to Brisbane.

It was late at night when we arrived in the ICU, and the lights were dimmed. Our daughter was surrounded by beeping machines and attached to tubes that kept her breathing, drained her damaged lungs, eased the pressure on her brain, and monitored her heart. The doctors did not think she would survive and if she did, they felt she would have severe brain damage.

I instinctively and immediately dug a trench deep in my heart from which I would fight for my daughter’s life. I believed she had already decided to return to us, whole and strong, and after ten days in a coma and two surgeries that is just what she did, valiantly earning her title, The Minnesota Miracle.

One month later, accompanied by a nurse, we returned to Minneapolis where our daughter went directly into a nearby hospital. Soon she was home, returning to the hospital for out-patient therapy only, and then then she courageously charged back into the world.

The crisis was over. I collapsed into myself unable to function, napping of the sofa for hours. A gentle therapist diagnosed me with depression. She decided not to put me on medication, instead saying that my body was wiser than I was and if I needed to lay on the sofa, that’s just what I should do. So that is where I stayed, not moving, simply noticing my life, and what I noticed broke my heart.

My husband’s behavior, which I wanted to believe was stress related, was all too familiar. I ached to admit it had been there always. Raised to be a “nice girl,” it had been my responsibility to find the good in people, giving them the benefit of the doubt, so I had consistently made excuses for him, for me, for us.

But from my vantage point on the sofa, I could see being a nice girl had not been enough to keep me safe. I don’t remember when I had stopped offering opinions or sharing feelings. I didn’t recognize the point at which I no longer trusted myself, but it was clear I was disappearing, fading like an old photograph. If I did not act soon, there would be nothing left of me. It was time to admit self-worth is non-negotiable and deserting myself in order to maintain a relationship is not acceptable.

I had watched my daughter fight to reclaim her life, and it was time for me to do the same. After over thirty years of marriage I filed for divorce. We retained attorneys and sold our house. I moved into a small apartment expecting to feel excruciatingly alone and instead felt the safest I had in years.

In this space I was able to tend the flood of raw emotions. Tremendous sorrow washed over me. Raged crashed around me. I struggled make it through each day, exhausted and doing my best not to drown. In the midst of this swirling chaos is where the healing began, and with it came glimmers of hope.

Choosing to use my experience to make a difference for others women, I wrote two books and offered sporadic workshops to help others move through the process of divorce. A workshop now and then was all I thought I was capable of. I did not have the confidence or the vision to do more until a dear friend told me I had found my soul’s purpose and I decided believe her.

Timidly, one small step at a time, I began to build my workshops into the company, Rediscovering U, LLC. The “U” represents the University-styled focus on educating women with classes taught by top experts in the areas of divorce and healing. “Rediscovering” was chosen because as painful as the divorce journey can be, it is a journey that allows to you to rediscover your voice, your spirit and ultimately your self.

Of all the goals I had set for myself over the years, building a company was certainly not one of them. But the women I work with inspire me daily and have built my confidence, broadened my vision, and given me the determination to grow Rediscovering U into a premier resource for women dealing with divorce, so no woman feels lost or alone. My biggest challenge is to trust my path, trust I am being led where I’m meant to go, trust myself and my abilities, and have faith everything will unfold in its time.

My work is a joy. It’s creative, meaningful, and challenging. And to have more fun all I need is to meet a friend for lunch, take a walk, sit at a coffee shop and write, or get lost in a good book. And a visit with my healthy, happy, out-of-town children and grandchildren raises the bar to a whole new level of joy and gratitude.

In the evening when the cat curls up on my lap, I whisper to my younger self to trust. Trust that it is often the most painful experiences in life that will be the best teachers and offer the greatest growth. Trust that when you feel lost you can rediscover yourself by looking deep into your heart. Trust you will make it thorough even the darkest of times to find the path leading you to your life’s purpose.