Avoiding Your Emotions? You’re Not Alone!

Being sad, angry, depressed, or frightened doesn’t make you weak, lazy, selfish or any other label that others may want to place around your neck. It makes you honest. And honesty is the most powerful asset you have. Even so, sometimes avoidance is our preferred option!

Can you relate to any of these “emotion avoiding” techniques? 

It hurts!

If you acknowledge your emotions, you have to feel them, and it is often so very difficult. Who wants to feel all that pain?

Feeling you are being judged

We are taught that difficult emotions are bad and should be avoided. When my eighty-one year old mother had her kidney removed a young social worker, carrying a clip board, visited her in the hospital during her rehabilitation and asked if she was depressed. She was shocked at such a ridiculous question and responded angrily, “I just had a kidney removed. Of course I’m depressed!” Even thought her emotions were very appropriate to the circumstances, the social worker made her feel she was defective in some way. He was very fortunate she didn’t have enough strength to get out of bed and smack him with his own clipboard!

The power of positive thinking.

Being immersed in a culture that promotes “positive thinking” can be lovely, but it can also keep us from dealing with our emotions, because we believe that if we just think positive thoughts, life will be beautiful and pain free and all our problems will be solved. During my divorce, I felt bullied by the culture I expected would help me. I do not advocate complaining to everyone around you for hours, but please be honest with yourself. By not acknowledging my true emotions, I felt I was betraying myself. I felt like a fraud and worse. By not speaking my truth, I was perpetuating an atmosphere that denied other women the permission to speak their truth.

Staying busy

Constant movement works effectively as any addiction. If you stay busy enough, you can avoid your pain because you just don’t have time. As soon as the painful emotions get too close, you can find something else to keep you busy. It’s important that you stop moving. You will be shocked to discover that your life does not fall apart. In fact, your life may be able to find you if you are still and stay in one place of a few moments.

strong>Guilt

We hear people asking why we can’t “get over this already,” and we feel guilty and wonder what is wrong with us. We have failed at a marriage, and now we are made to feel we have failed at our divorce, too?! We forget that these comments are usually from those who haven’t personally experienced divorce, who probably care about us very deeply and simply don’t want to see us in pain any longer.

Instead of avoiding your emotions, embrace them ALL. They have much to teach you. They will whisper, “You are a survivor, you are strong, you have value, you will no longer be diminished.”