5 Tips for Living with the Mystery of the Unexplained

In the spirit of offering balance and healing for women healing from divorce, I want to share these insights from Dr. Deborah Simmons with a post originally written for her blog.

1. Bathe yourself in compassion and love

Have it for yourself. You hurt. You are confused and frightened. Love this person. And offer it to others, even if you are not sure you have it for yourself. We have been doing a lot of hugging today at Partners in Healing of Minneapolis, colleagues and clients. Connect with others from your best place. I don’t have words for that right now but you will know what it is for you.

2. Allow yourself to grieve before you look for answers and options

There will be some clarity about something at some point. For now, mourn your loss but hold on to your dreams. Let the world stop spinning for a few minutes and just mourn.

3. Acknowledge your fears

Actually, acknowledge all of your feelings, whatever they are. It may help to express your fears to those you trust. However, be selective about who you express your fears and other feelings to. Look for comfort from people that you trust. Avoid people, for now, who either bring more questions or no empathy. This is not the time to hope that “that person” will come around and give you what you need. You don’t need to be pooh-poohed, or fixed, or pitied, or “adviced” by others. Just ask them to listen. If that’s not possible, thank them and move on to someone who can just connect with you.

4. Gently release the idea of control

Really. The mystery of the unexplained is just beyond your and my control. Just ride the wave of unexplainable stuff while keeping your head above water. Ride the roller coaster with your seat belt attached tight and hold on. You’re not sure where you are going yet. Just hold on to yourself. It’s okay to turn off social media and the news. You do have control about that. And your reactions to what you come across. I understand that your reactions may not always be pretty.

5. Understand, truly, that the sun comes out every day and that every day is an opportunity to find something new

Sometimes that new thing will be painful. Sometimes that thing will be to learn to be still, just to explore the feelings and thoughts you have. Sometimes the answer will arrive in the most unexpected way or the most unexpected person. Always, always, look to love and compassion for your answers.

For more from Dr. Deborah Simmons, please visit her website.